Meet our egg donor!

It’s fair to say that the toughest part of our experience on this bumpy road thus far was our IVF attempt with a clinic in Brisbane last year. None of us involved wanted the outcome we received, so it was a tough moment, but one we accepted can very much be part of this kind of process. Important disclaimer here – we experienced one failed attempt; there are countless women with fertility issues who endure round after round of IVF without success. The emotional toll of this is immense, especially as these struggles often go on in the background with few people necessarily being aware. There are a lot of brave faces and forced smiles as people try to make their dream a reality. As we’ve mentioned in earlier posts, bearing this in mind when talking about babies or family planning is really important, as you just never know what someone in your social sphere might be going through.

Nonetheless, as those who are following know, we pushed forward and looked to forge ahead through our Canadian agency, ANU. Because we were sans embryos, one of the first steps was to find a new egg donor. Then came the strange step that happens when you need a donor, but you don’t know who just yet: the profiles! We were sent four extensive profiles of Canadian women who themselves had signed on with ANU as donor candidates. Knowing that the decision you make will contribute to the genetic makeup of your future child really puts the pressure on. What are your metrics? What matters more? You’re reading a seriously detailed document outlining a range of personal aspects of someone you’ve never met. There’s an awkwardness to it, but it’s commonplace in these scenarios.

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Fortunately for us, we didn’t need to go beyond those initial four profiles sent, because in that mix was Ceris’ profile, which spoke to us instantly. Ceris was young (21 at the time we read her profile – a big factor when it comes to fertility), healthy, socially minded, queer (not a necessity in any way for us, but something that felt good) and shared a range of similar interests to us (musical theatre (she has a degree in it!), reading/writing, nature etc).

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There were some really touching parts to her profile as well. Answering the question what helped you decide to become an egg donor?, Ceris said ‘I’m queer, and have been in a relationship with a woman for several years now. I know at some point I’ll want children, and I know it’s not gonna be easy. However, when the time is right, it will be worth it. I think by having to acknowledge this, it’s made me really want to help people who are currently on that journey, just as I know many people will help me on mine.’ When asked what message would you like passed on to the recipient of your eggs and their offspring, she so beautifully wrote ‘Read fiction. Read it with your loved ones, read it alone. I don’t know any other way to foster empathy than to read fiction, and it will make your life richer.’ These elements made the choice a pretty straightforward one for us.

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After a few back and forth emails with our agency, we met Ceris virtually and on we went from there! It’s been an absolute pleasure getting to know her over the past 9 months or so. Ceris has been everything we could have hoped for in a donor and our gratitude towards her is endless. We might live many miles apart, but we see her featuring in our lives going forward and hopefully introducing her to the little creation she helped make some day.

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A few weeks back Ceris went to Toronto to begin her medical protocol in the lead up to her egg retrieval. After soldiering through the countless injections she had to give herself (seriously, what is asked of donors in that respect is immense), her retrieval yielded 30 eggs, an amazing outcome.

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We then endured the 5-day wait to see which of the fertilised eggs (26 of the 30) would mature enough to be put in the freezer as viable embryos. Seventeen is that number; an outcome we’re overwhelmed by, giving us every opportunity for success going forward. Timelines for when that may happen are still fuzzy, and you just never know how bumpy the road may still get yet, but we’ve got seventeen big reasons to smile for now ☺