Reaching Our Destination

It’s hard to describe the rollercoaster we’ve been on over the past six weeks. So much build up, so much anticipation, so much nervous energy…and that was all before the arrival of our precious little Ernie.

Our first few days in Edmonton comprised of meeting Erin, her mum Amie and son Ryder in person for the first time (and seeing Erin’s bump up close, which made it to the top of the long list of surreal moments this year has brought us) as well as exploring what would become our new neighbourhood for the next little while. We also got to attend midwife appointments in person and hear up close the truly magical sound a doppler reverberates as it finds the heartbeat of a growing human.

But as cute a town as Edmonton is (we quickly settled on our favourite coffee and lunch spots), filling our days started to wear thin without any firm idea when Ernie would decide he was ready to exit the very comfortable environment Erin had provided for him for so long. That is, until around 3pm on Thursday October 6, as we were browsing a bookshop in the West Edmonton Mall (a huge shopping centre we were now visiting for the third time since arriving) that Lachy got the call from an anguished Erin that we needed to meet at the birth centre at 4.

When we got there, it was very clear things were well underway. Erin was hunched over in pain against the external wall of the building as we waited for our midwife to arrive. What ensued was an experience we will never forget. This was not an easy labour for Erin (who at pregnancy #4 is experienced in this department). Ernie was positioned head down but face up (also called posterior or ‘sunny side up’), which made for hugely uncomfortable contractions in Erin’s back. Ernie was also struggling to get past a cervical lip, which our midwife tried to physically manoeuvre, a pain unlike any other Erin had ever felt. All we could do was watch in awe. Aside from some laughing gas, Erin pushed through (literally) without any pain relief or medical intervention. The screams were (rightly) piercing but the effort was immense. Thinking a few steps ahead, there was even a moment when our midwife called for paramedics (the birth centre isn’t equipped with a lot of the equipment that hospitals are) as Ernie was getting a little stuck in his final descent. But moments before the paramedics arrived, after 5.5 hours (3.5 of active labour at the birth centre itself) our Ernie emerged to take his first big breaths earthside. After all this time, he was here. Unlike back home, there’s no messing around when it comes to births in Canada. Given all was thankfully safe and well, we were back home to our Airbnb 2.5 hours later, our lives having changed immeasurably in the blink of an eye.

The following weeks here have been dream-like. Ernie is a gorgeous boy and changing every day. We’re lucky in the sense that neither of us have been recovering from labour, nor are we breastfeeding, so we can take feeds in turns and allow for some decent blocks of sleep. We’ve been seeing lots of Erin (who has recovered well from her warrior-level labour) for precious cuddles and bonding time.

Also, whilst not the case for many sets of intended parents, we have had the incredibly good fortune of being able to meet Ernie’s egg donor Ceris and their partner Steph and their families who all happen to live in Edmonton too. This has been so special, and another firm reminder that despite the challenges to reach this point, Ernie is so lucky to have ‘family’ roots that spread far and wide. In another item to rocket to the top of the surreal moments list, all five of us (Lachy, Dan, Ernie, Erin, Ceris) were able to get together recently; another memory to cherish as our time here comes to an end.

As we mentioned when we posted news of Ernie’s arrival, there is no adequate way to thank Erin and Ceris for what they have so selflessly done for us. All we can say is that we promise to love Ernie unconditionally and will do our utmost to raise him with compassion, humility and empathy. In the long lead up to Ernie’s birth (side note – it’s been more than 3.5 years since we made our first blog post about the desire to become parents), we wanted time to speed up and disappear; now, we want it to stand still. In saying that, we also can’t wait to see where Ernie goes and who he becomes.

Finally, we want to note once again, that whilst our bumpy road has reached its so-desperately-hoped-for destination, that’s not the case for all. This will be a tough read for those still travelling down their own bumpy roads, wishing that our story becomes theirs. Phrases like ‘you will get there’ and ‘it will happen’ are unhelpful as they’re not always the case, despite all the persistence and determination one can muster. We’ll just cross our fingers for you like we did for ourselves for so long.